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It is a very lengthy submit however I needed to write all of it down to color the total image. Did not embody a TL/DR this time as I often do.
2 days in the past I made a “stay report” about taking 20mg 4-ho-met and 15mg 2c-b because the 4-ho-met hit me, describing cool visuals and physique excessive, then having a breakthrough and assembly some “machine elf”, then I bought a bit loopy, looking for an evidence…..however fact is I WANTED to purpose my madness, as a result of being insane was simpler to simply accept than what had occurred. Earlier than taking the psychedelics I’ve been binging medicine like a madman. Day earlier than: IR 60mg 2-fma, vaped 40mg 2-fma, vaped 100mg 5-mapb, took 20mg diazepam, vaped 30+40+20 mg of O-PCE. Subsequent day (of my breakthrough), nonetheless sedated from diazepam, IR 50mg 2-fma, vaped 30mg 6-apb. snorted some Noopept and like an hour later dosed the psychs. I did not discover the 6-apb, however might have added one thing. Not one of the best ways to arrange for a heavy journey, however I did not respect the psychedelics, thought I might use them for my very own pleasure.
I’ve been psychotic earlier than from an excessive amount of weed on excessive doses of LSD or NBOMe . It sucked, as soon as it ended so unhealthy that I had delusions and trauma for a minimum of 2 years. I used to be on the verge of psychosis from stim binges, bought a bit psychotic on dissos a couple of occasions, however these had been nothing in comparison with psychedelic induced psychosis, simply made me LOL.
I wasn’t psychotic in any respect on this journey. I felt fully snug, lucid, and after I saved seeing the sample for a golden deity, I went right into a darkish room, meditated for 15minutes, full silence of my thoughts, did Wim Hof respiration. I really felt some balls of power opening up, as if my chakras activated for the primary time.,,, and this entity forming above me, like a mass hidden within the shadowy patterns in a better airplane that I might see above myself.
Whereas holding my breath after exhaling.(a part of the follow) I might really feel every cell vibrate and heal my physique. My organs and the whole lot felt fully NEW. I felt SOOO GOOD. SO a lot power, energy, I felt myself floating into a better airplane, vibrating at a a lot larger frequency. Immediately I used to be within the void, and it exhibits me a mass of our bodies twisting collectively, a whole bunch of limbs and faces tormented. I used to be not scared, however intrigued, the our bodies. I might additionally see components of this entity, and requested what it was and it confirmed me its true kind.
Sort of like this, with 2 extra faces on the edges. however it could multiply via holograms that had been on prime of one another, to not the edges. And it regarded extra upset, very critical and principally darkish purple solely. It saved displaying me twisted souls that bought misplaced in carnal pleasures, medicine, the ache they undergo and the way they’re without end trapped into that mass of horror.
I saved agreeing its unsuitable after which it tried displaying me the sunshine, making the whole lot white and divine, however my twisted drug fueled ideas saved forcing it again into displaying me extra twisted photographs, extra feminine our bodies, extra LUST, extra sin, extra pleasure. Every time it tried to point out me the trail to a better divine airplane, I used to be forcing it again into this filth….I felt cocky, invincible, my thoughts did not wish to see no gentle, I needed the intercourse, medicine and all of the pleasure. It felt and regarded very unsuitable, grotesque, HORRIBLE. However I rudely “ordered” the entity to drag me into that sickly wanting mass of tormented our bodies….that claims one thing about me, does not it ? Particularly as a result of I’ve SEEN IT ALL BEFORE on a number of journeys.
notice: I saved opening and shutting my eyes throughout this dialogue with the machine elf and I used to be seeing precisely the identical factor. did it a minimum of 10 occasions.
“come on fucker pull me in” I mentioned. Then it bought indignant and pierced me with 2 limbs from that mass and all of the therapeutic felt undone and I used to be in agony. My bowels flared up all of a sudden, I felt chilly, I curled up. I begged it to cease, then smiled like a madman and mentioned “okay I get it now, this shit is for actual”…..however how can it’s?
It was nonetheless there, wanting to point out me the sunshine, however my GF got here in to see what’s up and I instructed her to remain right here a bit, to see if she will really feel/sense one thing. I used to be nonetheless seeing although the ceiling but in addition the underside half of the room. and her, she checked out me like I am a bit loopy so as a substitute I requested him to go, and we’ll proceed this later, and so it did. This factor got here right here to enlighten me and confirmed me shit for 20-30minutes and even after agreeing he’s proper, I nonetheless selected this….
Solely noticed “regular” visuals the remainder of the journey (2-3hours) Then I went right here on reddit, attempting to inform three subs about this and saved looking for a logical rationalization for my madness, or a minimum of hoping somebody will….additionally chatted with3 mates on voice name. they usually saved saying that I do not sound insane and this looks like a really bizarre, anther one mentioned he had comparable experiences and these are the machine elves he met on DMT journeys.
This whole journey I had full management of, I even bought up mid level on this “dialog” to inform my GF I’m speaking to some type of godlike creature and its unbelievable how advanced the whole lot is, then I used to be in a position to go proper again into it, large boy was ready for me within the void “above the meditation room”. My madness simply wasn’t making sense in any respect….
Now this made me reevaluate my present way of life. I’ve been binging medicine like a motherfucker, ignoring the skin world. Since this lockdown began in 2020 I’ve been gaming nonstop, bought hooked on coke, tripping my household sleepwalking on Ambien. Then switched to hurry trigger I used to be losing an excessive amount of cash on blow, bought into RCs, binged the fuck out of the whole lot. I understand how to complement and do chilly showers day by day and sports activities, so I did not actually produce other unwanted effects than some weight reduction when binging on pace and coke.
I saved wanting to return after the journey ended, after deciding I’m not insane and as a substitute tried to simply accept what this journey thought me. I’ll do it once more correctly. Gonna eat gentle couple days earlier than, keep sober, quick on the day of my journey, and set intention and this time purpose for the sunshine, I’m performed with all of the filth, there may be nothing extra to see there for me. Leisure & pleasure should not be the final word aim, however a part of the journey.
I’ve actually been neglecting my soul. Solely pleasure and leisure, nothing else however a hedonistic way of life with no that means. I do know I’m higher than this and I can achieve this far more and have an effect on this world, I’ve a loving GF, supporting household that at all times gave me greater than I requested for, true mates which have been with me although so many darkish occasions and locations…I am unable to hold residing in my bubble, I’m a part of this world and I’ve the means to assist many individuals. I wish to thank all of the folks right here who’ve been supportive and useful with my drug journey.
I want you all protected researching and far love !